


Things to Do in Isolation

by Gleaming_Spires (cuppaktea)



Category: History Boys (2006), History Boys - All Media Types, History Boys - Bennett
Genre: Compulsory isolation fic, Crack, Lockwood lives but did join the army, M/M, Other, boys in lockdown, chat trope, continued isolation madness, does this count as easter fic?, everyone stay sane and safe, happy easter, standard chat/text fic, what are they up to now?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:55:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23614843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuppaktea/pseuds/Gleaming_Spires
Summary: Compulsory isolation ficAkthar decides to use his time in lockdown to catch up with old friends: Dakin is Banished; Posner is lonely; Scripps is taking celebrity tweets to heart; Timms is living through a war zone; Crowther is enjoying the sun; Rudge has lost the will to live; Irwin is stuck with an infectious idiot and Lockwood is alive and well and wondering what all the fuss is about
Relationships: David Posner/Donald Scripps, Stuart Dakin/Tom Irwin, Timms/other
Comments: 22
Kudos: 22





	Things to Do in Isolation

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I cannot be stopped - someone please post something else or you may all be inundated with my spam fics!
> 
> This was inspired by so many people and I can't actually remember all of you but you know who you are I hope. A comment chat with everything_that_is_the_case was definitely the catalyst and I'm sure there was a chat with Stuartdakins and Vestaskitchen too. It obviously takes inspiration from Vesta's hilarious history_squad fic too.
> 
> Basically it's your standard chat fic although I have no idea which platform I'm trying to emulate here XD

Akthar - AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar 

Posner - PoetandProfessor 

Dakin - Sexystu

Scripps - MissingMuse

Timms - Tony&TinaTimms

Crowther - You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship

Irwin - ThomasIrwinBA

Lockwood - LuckyJim

**AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar created the conversation**

**AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar named the conversation Isolation Old Skool**

****

**_AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added PoetandProfessor to Isolation Old Skool_ **

**_AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added MissingMuse to Isolation Old Skool_ **

**_AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship to Isolation Old Skool_ **

**_AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added Rudge to Isolation Old Skool_ **

**_AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added Sexystu to Isolation Old Skool_ **

**_AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added ThomasIrwinBA_** **_to Isolation Old Skool_ **

**_AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added LuckyJim to Isolation Old Skool_ **

**_AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added Tony &TinaTimms to Isolation Old Skool_ **

**_AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added Rudge to Isolation Old Skool_ **

9.16 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : How’s isolation treating everyone then?

9.16 **PoetandProfessor** : Not bad, thanks. Teaching is sooooo much easier without the kids. You’ll have to ask Scrippsy how he’s getting on, though, I never see him these days, he’s always in his study working on The Book

9.17 **Sexystu** : Isolation Old Skool? What is this a kids disco in the 90s?

**Poet &Professor renamed the conversation Sad Gays in Lockdown**

9.18 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : How’s the book coming on, Scripps?

9.25 **MissingMuse** : AAAAAAAARGH

9.25 **PoetandProfessor** : I’ve been organising all my old photos. There are so many of us all from the old days, I can send them on if anyone wants.

9.26 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : Please, Pos. Nobody wants reminding of what they looked like in the 80s

9.26 **Sexystu** : Speak for yourself I looked the shit

9.26 **PoetandProfessor** : … you’re almost right

9.30 **You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship** : I don’t understand what all the fuss is about, just do as you’re told and stay indoors. Although having said that I ran out of toilet paper this weekend.

9.40 **MissingMuse** : what have you been using instead?

9.41 **You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship** : Trust me, I think it’s better lost to the mists of time

9.41 **PoetandProfessor:** :Sick:

9.45 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : Grim!

9.45 **Sexystu** : I have lost all respect for you XD

**Sexystu renamed the conversation: Crowther wipes with socks**

10.00 **Tony &TinaTimms**: That’s made my week, thanks mate. DYING. The kids are driving me. Mad. I thought the teacher was just a crybaby but it turns out my kids are sent straight from hell! This morning they smashed the bathroom window and the neighbour’s conservatory and this isn’t even the worst day this week. They are hyped up on chocolate and OUT OF CONTROL!

10.01 **PoetandProfessor** : I feel so validated rn

10.01 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : Same. Being headmaster is so much better though because you get to scare the living shit out of them on a daily basis

10.01 **PoetandProfessor** : Oh, for a promotion!

10.05 **Tony &TinaTimms**: I don’t know how you do it mate. I can’t realistically see them getting through today without a good slap each and they came out of my balls. Kids are not what they were

10.07 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : Oh definitely, we were never that bad

10.15 **ThomasIrwinBA** : You definitely were

10.16 **MissingMuse:** No way, you were just new and easily scared

10.16 **ThomasIrwinBA** : You collectively outed me on my first week! Also the school I taught in before yours was in a deprived area full of gang crime. Trust me, I know bad kids. You lot were bad

10.30 **Tony &TinaTimms**: A week ago I would have taken the piss, now tkfyukvvvtkktxjfrlut;uxjrt|OL98s

**Tony &TinaTimms renamed the conversation My Farts Kill Old Ladies**

10.40 **Tony &TinaTimms**: bum, wank, poopoo, shitujvfivfewblifc

10.42 **You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship** : …. I guess we’re assuming he’s dead

10.42 **PoetandProfessor** : Tony, I hope you don’t mind my bringing it up but…how come you have a joint handle?

11.00 **Tony &TinaTimms**: sorry kids stole my phone…

**Tony &TinaTimms renamed the conversation How Much for a Vasectomy?**

11.00 **Tony &TinaTimms**: The wife insisted, that way she knows I’m not pretending to be single online

11.05 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : Timms, I’m sorry but that’s messed up

11.05 **Tony &TinaTimms**: Ok Akthar, maybe save your judgement for when you’ve finally had a relationship that’s lasted more than three years

11.05 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : Touched a nerve there, apparently

11.11 **LuckyJim** : You guys are all babies. In Iraq, I spent three days in a shell hole, with no food, and a single bottle of water pissing where I stood. This is easy: I have a sofa, beer, tv and a separate toilet

11.13 **PoetandProfessor** : and on next week’s travel guide…

11.13 **MissingMuse** : Ok seriously I’m unsubscribing to this chat the notifications are disturbing my concentration

11.14 **You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship** : How far you got with it?

**_MissingMuse has left the conversation_ **

11.14 **PoetandProfessor** : Welcome to my life. Although having said that he did the garden last week, it looks amazing. This week he’s got it into his head to write his magnum opus.

11.17 **Sexystu** : I will say this for coronavirus: best Italian holiday I’ve ever had! Flights were dirt cheap, place was deserted, I had my pick of empty beaches

11.17 **ThomasIrwinBA** : You were lucky to get back in the country.

11.18 **Sexystu:** some would say unlucky. Can I have a coffee, please?

11.19 **Sexystu** : Tom?

11.19 **Sexystu** : Sausage? 

11.19 **Sexystu** : Baby?

1.19 **Sexystu** : Sugarcakes? 

11.20 **Sexystu** : @ThomasIrwinBA?

11.20 **ThomasIrwinBA** : I will leave it outside the door for you

11.23 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : ?

11.25 **ThomasIrwinBA** : Stuart is in the spare room until he’s no longer infectious

11.25 **Sexystu** : That makes you sound sane. He means I have to live in here.

11.26 **ThomasIrwinBA** : It’s an en-suite and you have shared use of the front door, as long as you disinfect the handle, don’t be dramatic

11.27 **Tony &TinaTimms**: I thought my house was stressful!

11.27 **Rudge** : Don’t even talk to me about pissing coronavirus! No team sports meetings here, Olympics is postponed, most football is cancelled, tennis is cancelled, rugby is postponed AND the Ryder cup looks like it might be postponed. If they had any compassion they’d shoot us all.

**Rudge renamed the conversation Lock(down) and Load**

11.30 **PoetandProfessor** : Erm that’s perhaps a little dramatic

11.31 **Rudge** : What am I supposed to do all day cooped up like a zoo animal?

11.31 **PoetandProfessor:** Work?

11.32 **Rudge** : Thanks for rubbing it in. My entire sex life revolves around face-to-face client interactions, and I don’t even have that

11.32 **Sexystu** : Good news, Tom. I’ve found someone crazier than you

11.35 **You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship** : You lot need Xanax. Also, Rudge that name sounds obscene

11.38 **Tony &TinaTimms**: I think we know what Pete is going to be doing with his time though XD

**_MissingMuse has joined the conversation_ **

11.50 **MissingMuse** : Just outlined the plot, well half the plot, the gist of it anyway

**_MissingMuse has left the conversation_ **

11.51 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : Lost the plot more like

**AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar renamed the conversation Bedlam**

11.51 **Sexystu** : @Rudge has got a point though, it’s like being in prison

11.51 **PoetandProfessor** : Dakin, are we thinking of the same house? The last time I stayed over your spare bedroom was bigger than my first flat

11.51 **Sexystu** : Not that spare bedroom

11.51 **PoetandProfessor** : Oh, you mean the one with the balcony and the fireplace? However will you cope?

11.52 **Sexystu** : IKR!!! The en suite doesn’t even have a Jacuzzi bath!!!

11.53 **ThomasIrwinBA** : Thank god for your working class roots or you’d really struggle :eyeroll: You don’t even stay inside!

11.53 **Sexystu** : What do you mean? I’ve been in all day!

11.55 **You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship** : Yeah, but it’s not even lunch time

11.56 **ThomasIrwinBA** : And you’re always going out!

11.56 **Sexystu** : I need ice cream and booze to compensate for the sudden lack of sex!

12.00 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : TMI

12.03 **ThomasIrwinBA** : We get Tesco deliveries every week!

12.03 **Sexystu** : They don’t always choose the ice cream I like, and you never order enough!

12.03 **ThomasIrwinBA** : And you go for a jog twice a day!

12.03 **Sexystu:** How else will I avoid getting fat?

12.04 **PoetandProfessor** : Eat less ice cream?

12.04 **Sexystu:** Don’t test me Pos, I’m having serious withdrawal symptoms, here. To make matters worse the pubs are closing for Easter

12.04 **ThomasIrwinBA** : You’ve been going to the PUB???!

12.10 **LuckyJim** : How long is the incubation period again?

12.10 **Sexystu:** 2 days to a week

12.11 **ThomasIrwinBA** : Actually the longest recorded case was 27 days, no point in taking risks

12.11 **Sexystu** : you are joking!

**Sexystu renamed the conversation Guantanamo Bay**

12.15 **ThomasIrwinBA** : If it bothers you so much then try giving up the pub, the ice cream runs, the jogging, and taking the cat out for a walk!

12.15 **Sexystu** : Well you won’t take him!

12.17 **ThomasIrwinBA** : Because he doesn’t need it!

12.17 **Sexystu** : Exercising a pet is officially a vital journey - VITAL!

**_MissingMuse has joined the conversation_ **

12.45 **MissingMuse** : I might start the first chapter today… or tomorrow. Definitely this week

**_MissingMuse has left the conversation_ **

12.55 **LuckyJim** : Stu, they definitely mean a dog

12.55 **Sexystu** : Don’t be stupid. We don’t have a dog

13.00 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : I really regret asking now

**LuckyJim renamed the conversation The Baby Room**

13.05 **You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship** : Back in the land of sanity, I’m really enjoying the time off to spend in the nice weather

13.07 **Tony &TinaTimms**: …and to invent a substitute for bog roll

13.08 **You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship** : Found something to entertain your kids with yet?

13.10 **Tony &TinaTimms**: Ordered them a PS4 on Amazon. It would be cheap at twice the price.

13.12 **LuckyJim:** It seems… mental that you didn’t already have one if they’re that crazy

13.20 **Tony &TinaTimms**: The wife doesn’t agree with screen time. Bring it on I say!

13.30 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : And won’t she notice? And you know, put a stop to it?

13.40 **Tony &TinaTimms**: Nah, she’s working round the clock these days. She’s doing a rotation in ICU and it’s gone crazy the past few weeks, she barely sees the kids when she does get home.

13.40 **Sexystu** : And do you make her live in the spare room?

13.45 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : Because that’s what’s important here, Dakin

13.48 **Tony &TinaTimms:** Nah, she strip showers when she gets in and then mostly just falls into bed. She isn’t allowed to hug them though

13.48 **Sexystu:** See Tom? Timms is less strict and his partner actually comes into contact with hundreds of the infected every day

13.50 **You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship** : “the infected” brilliant!

**You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship renamed the conversation The Infected**

14.00 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : Dakin showing his customary sensitivity there. Timms tell your missus she’s amazing from me

14.01 **ThomasIrwinBA** : Timms also lives with three window-breaking children and, no offence Timms, but that is not what I call a life. Also, please pass on my respects to your wife

14.15 **LuckyJim** : Well, I’ve got Netflix and some willpower so I’m not really bothered, but I am loving this display of mass hysteria from Dakin. Also I have the utmost respect for Timms’ wife. If there’s anything you need mate, let me know

14.15 **Tony &TinaTimms**: New window?

14.15 **Sexystu:** It can’t be mass hysteria if it’s just me. Anyway, it’s not me who’s being hysterical! It’s Tom. The cat agrees!

**_MissingMuse has joined the conversation_ **

14.45 **MissingMuse** : Wow, there are… quite a lot of messages since I last read this chat. What do you reckon is a more interesting backdrop: England during the Restoration or a post-apocalyptic colony on Mars?

14.46 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : I... can’t believe you’re even asking

14.46 **MissingMuse** : You’re right, I don’t know what I’m thinking; the Restoration it is

**_MissingMuse has left the conversation_ **

15.00 **PoetandProfessor** : I think I might try my hand at making jam. To an extent I sympathise with you, Dakin. Loneliness is a terrible thing, especially in your own house :(

15.00 **Sexystu** : Especially when your husband is batshit mental

15.00 **PoetandProfessor** : agreed 

15.08 **ThomasIrwinBA** : OI!

15.15 **LuckyJim** : My glazing skills aren’t much but I’ve set up a gofundme. If everyone can donate what they can and share. Link below.

www.gofundme.com/support-a-nurse-without-suitable-childcare

15.19 **ThomasIrwinBA** : Stuart will be donating a tenner for every hour he’s spent out of the house when he should have been in quarantine

15.20 **Sexystu** : Why don’t you just get me to pay for it?

15.21 **ThomasIrwinBA** : that’s the idea :) Alternatively you could just Stay The Fuck Indoors!

15.21 **Sexystu** : I would if it weren’t so boooooooring

15.22 **PoetandProfessor** : Don’t you still have work to do?

15.22 **Sexystu** : Yeah but I refer to the above statement re booooooring

15.30 **Tony &TinaTimms**: Lockwood, mate, I dunno what to say

15.33 **LuckyJim** : Announce an immediate ban on indoor cricket

15.35 **Rudge** : Might as well, everything else fun has been banned. Go ahead - destroy your children’s lives

15.37 **You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship** : Rudge – you’re fifty-five years old, don’t you think that maybe you need some perspective here?

15.38 **Rudge** : Oh but Dakin is behaving rationally??

15.39 **You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship** : Oh, no, Dakin is a fruitcake, we all agree on that

15.39 **PoetandProfessor** : 100%

15.39 **LuckyJim** : Yep

15.39 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar** : Totally

15.39 **Tony &TinaTimms**: Yeah

15.40 **Sexystu** : Right, fuck you all

**_Sexystu has left the conversation_ **

15.40 **ThomasIrwinBA** : Oh dear, I better go and check he’s ok…. And that he isn’t putting a harness and lead on the poor cat again – I think it has PTSD… by the time I get on the gloves and facemask he’s usually bolted out of the door with the poor thing

**_ThomasIrwinBA has left the conversation_ **

15.42 **Tony &TinaTimms**: Well that was entertaining

15.45 **LuckyJim** : Actually, I need to walk the dog – who actually does need it. Talk tomorrow yeah?

**_LuckyJim has left the conversation_ **

15.46 **You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship** : If you lot are fucking off then I’m going back outside to enjoy the sun

15.48 **Rudge** : What’s to enjoy if there’s no sport on?

15.49 **You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship** : Sitting in the garden with a book?

15.50 **AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar:** same time tomorrow lads?

15.51 **You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship** sent a thumbs up

15.51 **Rudge** sent a thumbs up

**_Rudge has left the conversation_ **

****

**_You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship has left the conversation_ **

****

**_AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar has left the conversation_ **

15.55 **Tony &TinaTimms**: looks like it’s just you and me, pos

15.56 **Tony &TinaTimms**: Fuck, gtg kids are putting forks in the microwave

**_Tony &TinaTimms has left the conversation_ **

**_MissingMuse has joined the conversation_ **

16.00 **MissingMuse** : So basically it’s a doomed romance but with a comedic heart

16.00 **PoetandProfessor** : I’ll put the kettle on love, and you can tell me all about it

**_PoetandProfessor has left the conversation_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think or else drop a seed of creativity in the comments and help keep me sane, because it seems all I can do rn is write but only mad fics, and none of my own stuff XD *bashes head against wall*


End file.
